Alejandra didn’t know how to articulate that she would rather die than experience another day in her current existence, as herself. Her soul felt so dim, the slightest shift of wind or breath might snuff it out. She was seeing things and didn’t know if anyone would believe her.
Alejandra is the mother of three children, her life feels like it has shrunk, her soul withered. She wants it all to end, and a shadowy form is haunting her, whispering it can help her do just that. Is she on the edge of a breakdown or has something sinister risen from the depths of her bloodline? She scolds herself; it could just be the stress and anxiety of locating to Philadelphia from Texas, this is her husband Mathew’s big chance. The fact is, she feels the pressures that come with moving up in life, all the heavy lifting that will no doubt be her future. Matthew feels she should be thankful for all the things they have, and he certainly doesn’t understand her inner struggles, nor have does he demonstrate compassion. Her mind and body are exhausted, she desperately loves her children, but she is cracking inside and is terrified of the things she is thinking, feeling.
Matthew is wrapped up in his fulfilling career, while she had to give up her job aspirations. She is on her own, with his traveling for work, and there is no one she can call to help her with their children. Her mind is a fog, she feels like she is backed into a corner with no options left to her. She had promised early on that she would be a mother and wife first, and Matthew is holding her to it but what if she cannot measure up? He doesn’t have time for her breakdowns, she spends her time crying in the shower, unseen.
After putting her youngest children Elodia and Will to bed, she gives her daughter Catrina special attention by telling her a bedtime story. Catrina begs for a scary one, so begins the tale of La Llorona, a mythical Mexican ghost/demon who appears as a woman in white, drawn to weeping and tragic events, and hungry for vengeance. Her child knows nothing of her mother’s culture, with Alejandra having been adopted, her parents discouraged her interest in her own heritage. Then she married and had children, and the suppression became more about the distractions of caring for her young family. Strange to relay such a loaded story when she is beginning to question her own mind, hearing and seeing things, ashamed for wanting more when even her little girl wonders if she and her siblings are enough for Alejandra. It’s yet another thing to hate herself for.
Her dreams are dreadful, as if some monster is waiting around the corner, ready to silence her children forever before dragging her into the water. Never would she harm them, she wants nothing more than for her kids to have the opportunities to choose their own path when they grow up. Matthew is the perfect father in that sense, if not the best husband, he is a great provider, he can secure the freedom for their children she never had. Not all her dreams are haunted by evil, there are women in them too, who give her comfort some nights. If she can just learn to control her mind, then the world will not crumble, and she and her children will be safe. But from who or what, is it the phantom she is sensing, or is it darkness within herself?
With a DNA Tree letter in hand, she is excited to share her family history with her eldest, who only wants to please Alejandra so she won’t be so unhappy. The blank spaces on the tree, that is the real mystery. With Will gone everything gets harder, she seeks help by finding a therapist, one that is Mexican American, a spiritual medicine woman. Dr. Ortiz runs her own practice, an advocate for women of color, dealing with generational trauma, mental health and encouraging entrepreneurship. The women in Alejandra’s mind, from her dreams, seem to push her towards this confidant woman, one who she wishes she could be.
Dr. Ortiz could be the guide she needs, to conquer the threatening evil that has hounded the women in her family for generations. It will take working through her personal trauma; from the moment her mother gave her up and the pattern that swims through their line to the dark evil presence that lingers. Mental health issues, how their Mexican American culture influenced the choices before them, hope, love, shame, desire, and terror… any mother that has ever felt like a failure can relate to the pain Alejandra is experiencing. Her female ancestors each have been under the curse of La Llorona, but why? Can it be stopped? Or will Alejandra lose everything.
Publication Date: April 18, 2023
Random House
Ballantine
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