This was visiting my tiny midwestern hometown to meet my very impossible-to-impress, very Chinese parents, whom I had struggled to get along with my entire life. What if he met them and saw what they were like- and what Hickory Grove was like- and then never saw me the same way again?
Audrey Zhou grew up with the high expectations of her ‘very’ Chinese immigrant parents, exacerbated by coming of age in Hickory Grove, a ‘blot of the map’ kind of place. She never felt fully understood and returning now, after an 8-year absence with her fiancé, New York native Ben in tow, she is afraid of the impression her parents will leave. It is impossible to hide her roots, to forget her mistakes, the scenery, even the roads she used to travel, the former friends she turned her back on are dredging up the girl she used to be. Then she runs into her high school crush, Kyle, the last person she wanted to see and the weight of her feelings for her so long ago is something she never quite admitted to Ben. Not the small humiliations and irrational belief that they shared an affinity, even while he was dating her friend. Her college years and New York life were a rebirth for her, but coming back feels like blowing up the new person she has created. Marrying Ben is the life she is meant to want, with his family money and class, so why do the old feelings for Kyle return, the boy her mother thought of as ‘low quality’. Audrey spends a lot of time examining class, how some people never have to struggle to rise above their station, that the best things and places are a guarantee, and they don’t have to measure every choice, like she does, also feeling she owes her parents, who came to America to give their child a better life. Her mother, though, never seems to be satisfied with her accomplishments, the two just cannot connect, without disappointing each other. There was a time she was beloved of her, before she was old enough to become ‘a project’, as the story moves along, it’s easy to see why her Chinese parents push her to reach for the best, knowing all too well what struggles they have faced. The mechanics of parents’ marriage is another inexplicable part of her life, a curious love that she often misunderstands.
What works best in this story are the assumptions and judgements people make about Audrey based on her ethnicity. It’s the little things that make her feel like she doesn’t quite belong, identity is multifaceted when your cultural differences are on display. That there is judgement within one’s own people is just another added layer, when she doesn’t speak Mandarin and therefore appears to lack her Chinese worth. In the quote I shared she ponders if Ben will never see her the same way again after meeting her parents, where she came from, it is a tell how how fresh the pain of being different still is, that despite all her climbing and hardwork Audrey still doesn’t value herself, sees Ben as being somehow better than her. Growing up in a small town, where most people are the same, one’s ethnic background can feel like something to be ashamed of. It’s wrong, of course it’s wrong, but when you’re young the truth is most people just want to fit in somewhere. When she was young, she struggled with self-worth, in many ways her rise and success are another form of disappearing. Audrey is embarrassed by who she used to be and has a lot of unresolved issues with her parents and old friends. Kristen in particular, her best friend from childhood, isn’t about to make it easy on her. They have been out of each other’s lives since Audrey cast aside her past. Ben begins to catch wind of something more to the story between Audrey and Kyle, not understanding why she hates and has buried her past so deeply. It drives a wedge between them and gives her ample time to think about the way she sees her past and how she will move forward with her future. Does she want the life she has built, what exactly is she reaching for? How bad was her hometown and the life she all but vanished from? Just as revealing is the way she misunderstands so much about her own parents. What is the true measure of success and how does one’s culture and family mold who we chose to be or, more to the point, who we are often forced to become? Central Places is a rich debut, charged with insight that penetrates how we see ourselves and our family, particularly a child of immigrants. Yes, a good read.
Published January 31, 2023
Random House
Ballantine
bookstalkerblog 