What we carry around determines what we need.
This novel makes me think of how young parents sometimes feel with the “I used to be cool” vibe. At the start of the novel, Kit, a mother who just beats being a teen mom, explains that while she may be with her little girl Gilda at the playground, she is also in the past, when she was a freshman in art class. Naturally, as lively children do, Gilda carries her back to the present bolding demanding Kit to, ‘watch me Mama.’ The past continues to call, and trying to keep her brain cells alive that are now consumed by mothering her vivacious child, she befriends a sexy mom who is far more interesting than the usual, bland crowd. She fantasizes about sex and strangers most days, like bad dad, even when hours pass by waiting at Gilda’s gymnastics class. Adulthood means spending time with her best friend Pete, which requires doing so with her daughter in tow, adhering to her strict routines. They are taking a trip to Montana, leaving her partner Jad, who is steady and nothing like her explosive absent father was, to care for their child so heartbroken Pete, who broke up with his boyfriend, can heal through a MNE.
Their lives can change for the better, he believes, with a Meaningful Nature Experience but Kit’s only highs have ever been through drug trips. Those days are over for her now, the responsible mom that she is, she knows her breastmilk must be drug free. The thought of nature triggers the past, when her little sister Julie was still alive, and they were having their first acid trip with their friend. With time to herself, taking hikes with Pete, it’s like Julie is there feeding her memories of their band “We Were the Universe”, a bit famous in their little town of Wink, where her mother still lives, struggling with her own issues. The guilt creeps in, having left her sister behind for college, the stuff Julie got up to in her absence, and everything that followed. She is suspended in time, lost to grief and acid trips aren’t an option to escape her pain. Funny and heartbreaking, it’s the aftermath of loss and the truth of facing uncomfortable, hard situations, like the one with her mother.
Yes, read it.
Published May 14, 2024
Knopf
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